Wednesday, August 21, 2013

When Friends Let You Down

let down your fault

How shit is this?
How shit are they?
And what the shit is meant to happen now?

My theory is, you can only be hurt by the people you're invested in. You - random reader, do not have the ability to truly hurt me. Please do not take this as an invitation to try, but appreciate that any malice between you & I would fall by the way side. Written off as internet trolling, online bullying, whatever term you prefer. It may be unpleasant, but at the end of the day, there is no betrayal, broken trust or any of the stuff that actually matters in the long run.

But being let down by a friend? A loved one? Fuggen BOOM! Welcome to THIS SUCKS.
Being let down by someone you care about is on par with breaking your knee. It hurts instantly & it will hurt long after the damage is done. You'll hobble around while you wait for it to heal and even when it does, it will most likely never be the same again.

So for me, whenever I've felt like my trust in a person has been betrayed, it's like they've just walked up to me and bashed my knee cap with a cider block & said "have fun with that".

Who are these people, anyway?

Friends. Lovers. Neighbours. Colleagues. Family. Take your pick.

First thing's first - sort your stand on the situation out.

Is this person worth keeping around? Here you're going to have to weigh up the pro's and con's. These are a selection of the kind of questions I've had to ask myself when being let down by someone I cared about & was left trying to figure out "where to from here?".

I hate the term "out of character" - everything is out of character until you do it. So don't use this as an excuse when weighing up your options. If it was truly out of character, it wouldn't have happened. Face facts. Next.

Is keeping this person in your life going to make you happier or enrich you as a person in the long run?

Can you live with broken trust?

Will you & the betrayer come out of this stronger? Or is that just what you'll tell yourself?

What are the social & communal implications here?

It depends on the nature of the situation, but generally I tend to try and switch positions. To do what they did, what would my thought processes be? What would my motives be?

More often than not, if I am uncomfortable with being in that mindset - I know that these people aren't going to bring anything positive out in me moving forward.

I do believe that people change, but I also think our own sufferings and struggles depend mostly on ourselves.

I'm a firm believer that you only feel the way you let yourself feel. It's easy to blame others for their wrong doings, for how it's affected you & why it continues to do so. But at the end of the day, people only make you feel like shit because you grant them the power to do so.

Take control back. Decide how you want to feel and what you need to do to achieve it. If you can pull through, work on rebuilding genuine trust and come through stronger than ever then all the more power to you.

On the other hand, if you don't have the heart for the battle or the person is just a blue ribbon asshole for whatever it is they've done, move on. Cut the crap & focus on those around you that are worthy of your time & energy.

Many times I have found myself in situations where I have had advice given to me on what my options should/could be. In hindsight I should have chosen one over another & vice versa more times than I can count. But at the end of the day I think it is important to just be honest with yourself & do what feels MOST HONEST for YOU at the time.

You need to learn your own lessons. If you make bad choices in hindsight, hey, so does everyone else. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is a dirty rotten liar.

Being let down is horrible, but allowing yourself to stay miserable is worse. Time really does heal - the actual time frame is the only variant here. No one controls how long you feel unhappy for other than you. No one knows what is best for you other than you. Know your worth, give this some consideration & move in a direction that will allow you have what you deserve.

If you're still unsure, know the following:

You are stronger than you know.

Yours in honest living,
Kat xx

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